From 2004 to 2006, I created a zine titled "Name WitheLd", due to the inspiration of my lovely friend, Vicky. I put out 5 issues with 2 side project zines. I became burnt out quickly because I felt that my creative juices had stopped flowing. I was also going through a bad break up with my long-time boyfriend and instead of putting it all towards the next issue, I just quit. I joined the Army, started school, and began a long-distance relationship with a man who quickly became my husband. Although, I had lots of time to create another issue of "Name WitheLd", I didn't have the resources or the money to put it out.
Never once, though, in the 7 year break did I stop writing. I've written for as long as I can remember. In the second grade, our little Texas town had received a nice little snow fall which put us out of school for 2 days. When we came back, we had to write about it on a cute, wide-ruled, snowman shaped sheet. While the rest of the class wrote 1-2 pages, I ended up writing 7 pages and was featured as an upcoming writer for the elementary school. All throughout elementary and middle school, I competed academically for creative writing. It was something that I felt very passionate about. Though, I never place first, I still didn't give up because it was a passion of mine.
In the seventh grade, I tried a different style of writing: fan fiction. I was obsessed with the band Hanson and began to write a fan fiction about how if Zac Hanson and I met, what our life would be like. It turned out to be about 7 [I see a theme? haha] college-ruled journals long. Zac and I went from being 15 to being 23, married, and with a baby on the way. A lot of it made zero sense whatsoever! In the story line, I had been apart of a gang before I met him, I had an estranged older brother [true], and one thing was for sure; I knew absolutely nothing about sex. I had kept the entire story up until a couple of years ago. I threw everything away except the for the very first page that I wrote. That page was my inspiration to creating an entire novel, practically.
I've dabbled at writing another fiction, not necessarily "fan", but nothing ever came to mind. So, I just stuck to writing in journals, online and physical, about my life. I wrote recipes, exercises, quirky notes, tips, things about my marriage, etc. My favorite piece to write was my struggle with trichotillomania. I will forever and always struggle with it. I have been "pull-free" since October 23, 2010 [that's 848 days today]. I have accidentally pulled a hair due to my fingers getting snagged in a tangle, but I didn't freak out. I even tried once to purposely pull a hair out, and I couldn't do it. It felt strange and wrong. I still obsess over wanting to pull my hair sometimes [it's the texture of the hair, I can't describe it], but I know that I've been on a long road to recovery - I even have a whole head of hair now and no thin patches! Wow, this got off topic quickly...*ahem* anyways!
The point is, I never stopped writing, I only stopped publishing. Now that I've gone through some hard times in my life [I know they will keep coming], I'm ready to break out with a fresh start and a new me. "Name WitheLd" will always be me, but it was the old me. I've grown up, endured extreme heartbreak and betrayal, experienced amazing career opportunities, and have met some of the best people along the way. It's time for a new start. That's why "Name WitheLd" has been transformed to "Discovering Badger".
